I learned a few things that have been really useful as devices concerning people and relations.
It is best not to feel weak. It is best not to feel like one needs another. It is best to train yourself to ignore the failings in others because ultimately we all fail. In the end there is only one person who can love you and that’s you, only you. No one, I repeat, no one can wish more fervently to see the sun rise for you, like you.
Isolation is not correlative to independence or strength. Independence is ability to carry on regardless of how depressed one gets. Independence is strength to ignore any possible void one could feel by not having someone else to lean on. Your obligations are to yourself. Take care of yourself, pick yourself up, don’t bitch, just do it. If you don’t – one day, it may kill you.
One day, when your love fails, you won’t waste away. One day when you fail, you’ll look around, bleary-eyed but with full knowledge that the sun rises tomorrow. In short: you can learn a lot about yourself when you become homeless.
People wonder why I can hate the idea of government. I’ll put it simply from my history.
Where was your altruistic social ‘safety net’ when I needed it? Where was the providence of public shelters when I found out that I had to be in an age bracket to have a roof over my head for a night? Why were the shelters located so far from each other? Why were the shelters forced to turn people away? Where was shelter to be had if I had to check in to the building repeatedly throughout the day while I was attempting to make a living or find a job? Where was food to be had when it was easier to dig through a dumpster or get some from behind restaurants from workers?
Why was my welfare check so late and of so little worth that I lost my ability to save any money to get a studio let alone feed myself? I repeat where was this government social safety net when I needed it? It’s a joke and it accomplishes nothing.
Sure, socialists can say – we need to give people welfare at the least. But it accomplished nothing for me. The money barely allowed me to subside. Welfare kept me on welfare.
Government upholds a disgusting, loathsome cycle of poverty and despotism. People eventually become stuck in the cycle, herded chattel unable to do anything but become less than human.
How was I to present myself to get a job, when my clothing fell apart? I had to wash my clothes in sinks at gas stations and public restrooms. Then I had to dry them out underneath the hand dryers making sure my work presentable clothing didn’t wrinkle as I did so. Do you know how it feels to have other people look at you in disgust when you’re in a public restroom at a mall washing your clothing? Do you realize how many hours it takes to sufficiently accomplish this? Do you know what it feels like to want to be truly invisible? Why don’t the shelters have washing machines and dryers for the homeless so that they may be able to dress themselves and smell presentable enough for interviews? Why don’t they have these simple commodities so that humans don’t have to feel like freak shows? Your social government programs are a fallacious disgusting, vile, and disturbing if they believe themselves to be of charity. Worse – these programs fail just like educational standards of public schools. To add insult to injury – the average citizen pays for this.
The average citizen pays for this parasite. The average citizen pays for this cancer.
I found more help from handouts than from any social service. I got more roofs over my head from guys who expected little of me compared to the shelters who wanted time frames, sobriety, and religious fervor. At least I could be fucked up while I spent the night in some filthy apartment and get food.
You who like to write me daily are interesting creatures.* Most of it I trash because I won’t dignify you with a response. I’m indeed amused that so many people like to take time out of their day to let me know how they think of my ideas. Most take to insulting my theories, most take to letting me know how childish my thoughts are. I’ve heard every insult in the book I think, and still some of you are repeat offenders! You’re laughable.
You wouldn’t dare presume I came to believe in market anarchism without having dwelled on the problems of society for at least half of my pathetically short life. You wouldn’t dare presume I put more thought into these ideas than picking up a book and ‘getting inspired’. You wouldn’t dare presume I’ve read everything about it hoping to find some alternative.
You probably wouldn’t presume I’ve poured my soul into the works of Bakunin, Proudhon’s, Emma Goldman, Benjamin Tucker, Lysander Spooner, Max Stirner, Etienne de la Boetie, Wendy McElroy, Erick Mack, Murray Rothbard, Carl Menger, Ludwig von Mises, Frederic Bastiat, David and Milton Friedman, Voltairine de Cleyre, Dyer Lum, Kropotkin – do you fathom my perspective now? The list goes on, but name drops are hardly the issue here.
The point is – I’ve invested much thought into this and hence why I am the way I am.
So if I’m so displeased with the world – where do I fit in? If I please to call myself a Market Anarchist in ideology, in all practicality I must adhere to being a Radical Libertarian. I would have to sell myself short. I would have to return to the fold of blind concepts. If I become a statist, a good quiet little citizen, I must continue to believe in voting, where I practice forcing others to live according to my system of belief on an issue if my vote ends up winning. If I indeed want something of my will passed, I must vote for one of the two main parties. I must believe in war, I must believe in welfare – which pushes everyone in poverty to their knees – then removes their feet below the ankle. I must believe in paying annually for the rest of my life to an entity that strips us all of dignity. I must turn the other cheek when I see a homeless person. I must ignore my past. I must pretend that my life is considerably different than theirs.
As you see, I cannot ignore these simple things. As you see, I cannot accept anything less than the extreme.
I cannot help but look into the midnight inside. It quakes, shudders and moans. It is far from logical, but I look inside and find that rage and hope to harness it as the Furies did. Everyone has a cavern inside of them, a place no one else ventures to dig. Inside the placidly dressed businessman one can imagine the pain he feels in his fingers, one can almost taste the despair of the 5-9 knowing he is his own prison.
Anarchism embodies freedom of the ‘soul’, the ‘mind’ and the ‘body’. If the current system is truly justice – then yes I would have it ravaged and disassembled. I would destroy it all. But first – before the destruction of everyone else’s beliefs, I would have everyone believe something other than what is force-fed to them. I would have people simply believe in themselves. I would have them believe they could do without the chains of government. I know with all my heart and my mind – that none of my most fervent hopes will come to pass. But I believe. If you wish to find common ground with me, now you know where I stand.